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Sunday, July 26, 2015

See Children's Behavior Differently

The world tells us that negative behaviors are the way that children try to manipulate and control us, and that we should punish these actions. We must learn to look past a child’s negative and challenging behaviors, and shift our paradigm to see these behaviors as the child’s communication for connection with you. We must free ourselves from the ‘shoulds’ of the world. This will be challenging, but we must think about how God allows our negative behavior and waits for us to talk with Him. John 8:36, says “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Structure Benefits Children

When your child exhibits irresponsible behavior, it is a sign that your child is overwhelmed, not lazy. You may find that you need to make your child’s world a little smaller during the summer. We have learned that not enough structure leads to dys-regulation, so put order in your child’s life. It can be difficult, but when dealing with dys-regulation, you must look past any chaotic present circumstances, and see spiritual understanding while God’s divine plan for your family unfolds. You will find that order is restored in your life, and in your relationship with your child. 2 Corinthians 5:16 says, “From now on, therefore, we regard no one from a human point of view; even though we once knew Christ from the human point of view, we know him no longer in that way.”
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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Connect With Love

We must remember that aggression is a sign of fear. Children with trauma histories can easily be overwhelmed by social situations. You need to look past the aggression, see your child as being afraid, and let your heart lead you to connect in love.  God’s love is there to comfort in all circumstances, and you must choose to comfort your child in all circumstances. Connecting with your child will help you find peace within your heart.  Psalm 119:76 says, “Let your steadfast love become my comfort according to your promise to your servant.”
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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Provide Emotional Safety For Your Child

It is important to remember that a child who has a small window of tolerance can be overwhelmed by positive stimulation. Do not punish the meltdown, but rather take responsibility for not providing enough emotional safety for your child. You can use this opportunity to connect and expand your child’s window of tolerance. It is imperative that you remain emotionally safe and steadfast for your child in all circumstances. When fear and dys-regulation disrupts order and harmony, you need to affirm that all is well, and clear yourself of all concerns.  You are able to remain steadfast because you know that God is in control. Psalm 108:1 says, “My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast.”

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Shame Tries To Block Healing

As you begin the process of healing, you’ll find yourself beginning to feel the love of Jesus.

Shame will cause you to doubt this love.

Shame will block out the power and the love of God.

Shame will block out the healing grace of God.

That is why encouragement from other believers is so important.

Reading the word of God will help you to understand the new information needed for your paradigm shift. The Bible is full of God’s promises and words of encouragement.

We’ll begin with Jeremiah 1:4-5 NIV - “before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you part; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

This lets you know and establishes that God has a direction for your life from the beginning. Your paradigm shift will allow you to see yourself through new spiritual eyes. Being born again gives you a new life and we learn from 2 Corinthians 4:16 NIV that “we are being renewed day by day.”

You want to shift your paradigm from a “world view” to a view of what God’s will is for you. Romans 12:2 NIV tells us that you will be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

We must not let Shame impede our progress because we know that we have the love of God and the healing grace of God.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.



Sunday, June 21, 2015

When Your Own Fears Get In The Way Of Parenting

You have begun to use the 10-20-10 strategy, and are spending more time with your children. You know that you must listen and validate what your children are saying and feeling.

But you are finding it difficult to listen because of challenges that you are facing. Your own fear is causing you to regret the past and obsess about the future. Human beings live their lives largely in memory and imagination, meaning that we are either remembering the past or imagining the future. Our bodies are physically present, but our minds are elsewhere.

This is when you need to take a few deep breaths and really concentrate on focusing. You need to try and be fully mindful. I know that this can be very difficult. You need to understand that it has to occur a microsecond at a time. The skill of emotional regulation and clearing your mind is important and it must be developed. For a more detailed explanation about the neural mechanisms beneath social and emotional intelligence and how these can be cultivated through reflective practices that focus on the inner nature, you can watch this lecture from Dr. Daniel Siegel http://bit.ly/skvVSt.

This concept is very important, but it is just as important to understand the spiritual aspect of the process of connecting in relationships. When two or more people are gathered a spirit is created. This is found in Matthew 18:20. “For where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am with them.”

I admit that I don’t fully understand it, but I have felt it. This is a mysterious thing that we probably won’t ever fully understand, but we know that the phenomenon of a spirit created by people who are present is a powerful thing.

So remember to breathe and focus on concentrating when you are with your children, so that you are all able to experience the spiritual connection.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Fathers, Increase The Quality Time You Spend With Your Child


If you think back on your own childhood, do you remember the things that your father bought you or activities that you did together. I think we all remember going fishing, camping, playing catch, etc.

Now is the time to make the decision to increase the quality time that you spend with your children.
I recommend that you learn and utilize the 10-20-10 strategy, which is a simple formula to follow. 

You spend 10 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon, and 10 minutes in the evening with your children. These opportunities are simply to listen and not judge, blame, or shame. You need to validate what your children are saying and feeling. Validation does not mean that you agree with what they are saying and feeling, but you are listening and hearing them.

Spending less than an hour each day listening to your children can begin to repair broken relationships. Repairing relationships allows you to help influence your children to start making more responsible decisions while also demonstrating respect.

So, tomorrow, begin using the 10-20-10 strategy and remember to listen.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Fathers Are Responsible For Love, Grace and Forgiveness

Being a father can be very trying, but it can also be one of the most fulfilling jobs you will ever have.
You must understand that challenges bring with them great opportunities for healing and reconnection. You have the ability to interrupt your children’s stress cycles, and become emotionally safe for your children.

Remember to breathe in and get past your own fear. When you respond in love you send positive energy to the places that need healing. Emotional regulation through love promotes healing, and you can help your children become refreshed at the cellular level.

Your part in the healing process is to bring love, grace, and forgiveness into your children’s lives. By allowing love, grace, and forgiveness to flow through you, you help create an environment that is conducive to healing. You are not responsible for healing, but you are responsible for helping others on their journey to heal.

Simple? Yes.

Complex and hard to do? Yes.

Perfect love and forgiveness comes only from Jesus through our relationship with him. Therefore, you must work to get yourself into that place of love and forgiven
ess, so that can help others.
"It will be a healing for your flesh and refreshment for your body." Proverbs 3:8

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.


Sunday, May 31, 2015

Modeling Relationships For Your Children



When we speak about mothers modeling healthy relationships for their children, let’s not forget the oxytocin factor.

Mothers are usually better equipped neurologically to express and process feelings. Mothers tend to be better at helping a child develop a strong oxytocin response. All children need this.

Boys and girls both need this to balance their testosterone levels that begin to rise in puberty. If mothers don’t help their daughters with this, the daughters will seek out that regulation from males. Boys need regulation from their mothers to help reduce and manage their aggressive tendencies; otherwise connection with other aggressive males will escalate their aggressive tendencies.

Oxytocin helps maintain emotional regulation. Emotional regulation allows us to connect in relationship with others. Emotional regulation keeps us out of a state of fear. Fear causes irrational and distorted thinking and short-term memory loss. Equipping your child to have a strong oxytocin response as well as learning how to stimulate their own oxytocin is an invaluable gift to give to your child. It is most definitely the gift that keeps on giving.

Most importantly, be a Godly role model. Treat your child with mercy and grace in all situations. Just like your Heavenly Father treats you. Demonstrate forgiveness. Train up your child in the ways of the Lord, Proverbs 22:6. Pray with them, not just for them. Actively engage them in praise and worship for God. Make God the center of your relationship with them. Make God the center of all family relationships. Read my article “Godly Families”.

Check out my website for products and services that will help you along your journey. Remember to parent in love because love never fails.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Your Children Learn From Watching You



Mothers are the role model for their children of interaction with the opposite sex. How mothers interact with their spouses teaches their children how adult relationships are “supposed” to be.

Children learn through modeling. Your behavior teaches your son and your daughter what is acceptable or not acceptable in relationships. Open communication and expression of feelings with your spouse lets your children know it is OK to feel.

Setting healthy boundaries in your relationships will automatically help your child set healthy boundaries in their lives. Boys will learn what it is to respect females. Your son will be more likely to turn to you for matters of the heart when he sees you being able to listen to his dad’s feelings.

Girls will learn to expect respect from males. Girls will learn that they have a right to expect men to listen to them. This promotes positive self esteem with both boys and girls. Simply put, they become comfortable with being either male or female.

Both masculinity and femininity are validated when they are demonstrated through healthy, regulated behaviors. This keeps us away from the “battle of the sexes”.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Give Your Children A Voice



It is important for parents to help their children have a voice.

Many girls grow up with a blueprint of always having to please. This interferes with them setting healthy boundaries. This can be achieved by allowing your daughter to be frustrated or angry. Be in that space with her. Let her know that those feelings are OK. Let her know that you can handle her feelings.

There is a tendency to shut our children down if they express their feelings and it feels disrespectful. You may shut them down if their feelings are too intense for you to handle. The appropriateness of expression can be taught at a later time. The important thing is that they are expressing their feelings.

When you validate their feelings, you are validating who they are. That is another piece of them that then becomes OK. Not validating their feelings tells them that their feelings are not OK. Therefore they are not OK.

Boys may find their voice only through anger. Many times anger is the only feelings boys are allowed to have. Our society tells men that it’s not OK to cry or be vulnerable. When their anger is shut down, boys feel disrespected. Then the message is that anger is not OK. This means that they are not OK.

The anger is suppressed. Suppressed anger builds into rage. Rage can then become out of control. It may go the other direction and contribute to depression. After validating your son’s anger, you can then start to reach the hurt and fear that is under the anger.

Parents need to evaluate their own blueprints around anger. Parents need to understand their own reactions to anger in order to connect with their children when their children are angry. Otherwise the child feels rejected.


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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Make Mother’s Day Happy



This Mother’s Day, take some time to find out who your child really is. Find out what they are all about. We carry with us way too many stereotypes of girls and boys, and of females and males.

Many of the role models we experience in society are inaccurate. Some stereotypes may come from your own family background and traditions. It is unfair to place these roles or stereotypes on your children.

If you don’t value and honor your child for whom he or she is, then they will not be able to value and honor themselves.

This may be a challenge because of your own past experiences in relationships. You may see someone else in your child because of something in your past. Work through this because that miss-perception about your son or daughter will not allow you to connect in love.

That irrational or erroneous belief about your son or daughter will take you out of relationship with your child.

I hope you have been enjoying a very Happy Mother’s Day.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Influence’s Influence On Parenting



Mother's Day is just around the corner. This is a time of family gatherings to celebrate mothers. Family traditions of cookouts, picnics and dining out are fairly common. It goes without saying: Mothers play a very important role in our lives. Many articles and books have been written about this. There is a tremendous amount of research about being a mother. It has been dissected from every angle and from numerous counseling theories.

Attachment theory says that Infants form attachments to any consistent caregiver who is sensitive and responsive in social interactions with them. The quality of the social engagement is more influential than the amount of time spent.

One of the most important, if not the most important concept to keep in mind is that parenting is all about influence. It is easy to cross that thin boundary into control. Remember, control is a function of fear. Influence is a function of love. Each and every interaction with your child influences what they will do in the future: their relationships, their career decisions, and their spiritual focus. Ask yourself this question, “What am I doing right now to improve my relationship with my child?” Another question to ask your self is - “What am I doing to connect with my child in a mindful manner?”

Both of those are simple questions or concepts. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the answer or response will be easy. There are many challenges in simple concepts. After all, did you really know what you were signing up for when you decided to be a parent? I don’t think any of us had a clue. I know from my personal experience that teaching and writing about these concepts is much easier than implementing them.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Religion vs. Spirituality



On this journey, it is important to separate religion from spirituality.

Religion is the way that you practice your spirituality. It is a structure through which you demonstrate your faith. Religion is made by man. Therefore it is flawed. All too often, our perception of spirituality and faith is damaged by religion. Therefore, it is important to look past religion to what you believe in.

When religious and other human experiences block your spiritual journey, you may need to review the articles on forgiveness. Be courageous and press on to break the bondage of shame and heal spiritually. Belief in Jesus means that there is a power greater than yourself that you can rely on.

Jesus said in John 14:6 NIV “I am the way and the truth and the life.”

That is not to the exclusion of others, but that Jesus is the ultimate power.

That is very scary for shame-based people because of their lack of trust, which is based on their human experiences. It is natural and normal to place human characteristics on God because our human experiences dictate our perceptions.

Reading the word of God will help you understand the new information needed for your paradigm shift.

The Bible is full of God’s promises and words of encouragement.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Shift Paradigm, Release Shame



For you to begin releasing the bondage of shame, a paradigm shift is necessary.

The first step in shifting your paradigm begins when you are able to see the world as benevolent, and yourself as worthy. Shame-based individuals do not see their world as being benevolent because of their experiences, which have taught them shame in their life. Seeing the world as benevolent may seem like an overwhelming task, considering the condition of our world today. But if you don’t see the world as benevolent, everyone is your enemy which makes it very hard to get anything good out of this world. This perspective keeps you in a state of hypervigilance and fear.

The second step in this paradigm shift that shame-based people need to take is to start taking risks. When you take risks, you may lose something of value. What shame-based people fear losing the most is what little self-esteem they possess. This part of the paradigm shift involves separating yourself, and who you are, from your experience. For example, a failing grade does not mean you are a failure. An offer not being accepted is not a rejection of you as a person. It is simply a rejection of your offer. Shame-based people achieve their self-worth from performance, and separating self-worth from performance can be a difficult task.

The third step in this paradigm shift is distinguishing between risks that have potential positive outcomes, and risks that are a setup for failure. Initially, you need to begin by not repeating previous failures, which will help you to identify patterns of failure.

Taking these steps will help you to begin making the paradigm shift.

It will not be easy, but with prayer and belief you will be able to achieve your goal.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Prayer Can Help You Achieve Positive Results



Most shame-based people that I have spoken with know what they need to do different.

The problem is that they do not follow through with a decision that has the potential for a positive outcome.

There are two components of not following through.

A shame-based person’s internal definition is not congruent with success, and that keeps them from following through. There is too much unconscious resistance to taking that first positive step.

The second component is a spiritual battle.

The Apostle Paul says in Romans 7:15 (NIV) - “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do but what I hate I do.”

As Christians, we also know that “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” - John 10:10 (NIV).

Pray about all of your decisions, and ask others to pray for you.

“I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:13 (NIV).

Identify a task that you believe you can realistically achieve, and use prayer and belief to reach a positive outcome.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Why Do We Feel Shame



Shame is taught or learned in many ways. I have compiled an extensive list, but I’m sure that there are many more ways that shame develops into self-defeating patterns in our lives. Even if you do not recognize the example as happening in your life, you may realize it later as you explore examples that are familiar to you.

Shame-based people block out the past because it is so painful, but you must allow yourself time to explore your past.

Universal Criticism is the belief that nothing you do is good enough. If you get three A’s and one B, you only focus on the negative of the B as opposed to the positive of the A’s. You clean the house, and then find one corner that still has dust. You find yourself fixating on that small area as opposed to appreciating the rest of the clean house.

Neglect is knowing that you are loved, but still having a sense that something is missing or that something is wrong with you. This can be the result of a lack of physical presence. You can also experience this feeling on an unconscious level with a lack of emotional presence even if there is a physical presence.

Children usually celebrate if there are No Rules, but the unconscious message is that they are not important enough to have rules and boundaries. When there are not any rules, parents do not pay attention to their children.

The exact opposite is Rules that cannot be met. This occurs if Rules are unreasonably high or too rigid to be achieved. The unconscious message is that there is something wrong with you because you cannot follow the Rules.

Lack of Touch and not being held is very abusive. When you see your friends being hugged, and you are not then you perceive it as there must be something wrong with you.

Physical Abuse is touch or sexualized behavior that is hurtful and given without compassion. The message again is that there must be something wrong with you. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have happened.

Responsibility for other people’s behavior, something that you have no control over. Examples include a parent’s drinking problem, siblings destroying things, and conflicts in the family.

Blame is the result of feeling responsible for other people’s behavior. You feel that it is your fault, and you become a scapegoat.

Unrealistic Expectations is being expected to know how to do something despite never being taught or given the opportunity to learn. You are made to feel that because you make a mistake that you are a mistake. That because you do not intuitively or instinctively know how to do something that there must be something wrong with you.

Sibling Comparisons include being smarter, more athletic, prettier, and more responsible.

Religion told you, or you defined yourself as evil or a sinner, and that you need penance to be good. This causes you to be shame-based rather than grace-based.

You must allow yourself time to explore your past.

It will not be easy and can be very painful, but it is necessary.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Patience Is Necessary While Transforming


We have been learning that if we are to make a heart change, we must be willing to not only serve others but also to accept all situations, circumstances, and people exactly where they are at.

To accomplish this, I encourage and challenge you to give up using your willpower. By simply walking the walk, you put yourself in the place where you can be changed.

Unfortunately, we are human and it is in our nature to try to make things happen. We are impatient, controlling, and prideful. These characteristics are all about us. A minister friend of mine calls this “Meism” and it is not about God and others.

If you are truly going to experience a heart change then you have to allow the Holy Spirit to work in your life. Allow the Holy Spirit to gradually transform you into the likeness of Jesus. Remember, your salvation is not just an event. It is a work of transformation sustained by God’s grace. Changing behavior without being transformed by the Holy Spirit is a shallow and futile human effort.

I can guarantee that this will not be easy, and you will have to face things in your past that are painful. You will need to grieve your losses, and you will need to cry out for God’s mercy and grace to help you through the hard times. I am a witness and a living testimony that this works.

I challenge you to become all you can be for your children. Guide, lead, and direct them in the ways of the Lord. Your children are just temporary gifts for you to take care of, and you will be blessed beyond measure for loving God’s children.

When we do this, God is pleased. When we do this, others benefit.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Love, Tolerance Are Necessary

We have been speaking about making a heart change, and how the change is not made for us.

If you search BibleGateway.com, you will find “one another” used 190 times, and “each other” used 981 times. What this means is that we are called and commanded to serve others. This cannot be done without a heart change.

Other than doing random acts of kindness, service to others involves relationships, which come in a variety of forms and at different levels.

The secular world identifies that joy is involved in the attachment/bonding process.

 Nehemiah 8:10 tell us “...This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

There is strength in relationships, and through sacrifice and heart change we develop healthy relationships. I believe that joy is the overflow of healthy relationships.

Even in the best of relationships there are going to be bumps in the road. We need to expand our windows of tolerance to endure these bumps. Our capacity for love needs to accept all situations, circumstances, and people exactly where they are at.

What a Challenge!

But we must remember that to have a heart change and serve others takes sacrifice. When we do this, God is pleased. When we do this, others benefit.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Change Is For God, Not Ourselves

We have determined that in order to help their children, parents must first make a heart change of their own.

Making the decision to make a heart change can seem very simple on the surface.

And, I believe that it is simple, but paradoxically, complex usually goes hand in hand with the simple.

During this process, the most important thing we need to remember is who we are doing this for. It is for God’s glory. It is for God’s joy. It is so He can be pleased with us.

When Jesus was baptized, a white dove appeared. The windows of heaven opened up. Matthew 3:17: “And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love, with him I am well pleased.’”

I pray that this is what is in our hearts, to please God. Unfortunately, as humans, we can get caught up in consumer Christianity. I learned the term Consumer Christianity from Brian Zahn at Word of Life Church in St. Joseph, Missouri. It means that we treat God like an ATM machine. When we find ourselves in a time of crisis, we simply take the God card to the ATM and get what we need.

I firmly believe that we cannot out give God. I doubt that God blesses us if our motive for giving is to receive. To have a heart change and serve others takes sacrifice. When we do this, God is pleased. When we do this, others benefit.

Remember it is not for our glory. It is for God’s glory. It is for God’s joy. It is so He can be pleased with us.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Change Is Possible, But We Need God

We have talked about how parents must change, so that they are able to be a secure attachment figure for their children.

Romans 8:29 says: “Our purposes is to become like Jesus.” That is, be transformed into His likeness.

Romans 12:2 says: “Do not conform to the pattern of this wo
rld, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Psalm 51 tells us that we need the Holy Spirit in order to be transformed.

That is, receive a new heart. We need to ask God to help us to do that. The molding and shaping of our heart cannot simply be done by willpower. Have you ever used willpower to stop diarrhea? Hopefully that is not too graphic, but it illustrates the point.

We first have to become willing to be open to the Holy Spirit. We don’t have to figure out how to change ourselves. We can’t change our personalities. We can’t change our blueprints by ourselves.

We are not designed to be able to make such changes on our own, but we all have hope through the Word of God.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Parents Must Resolve Issues First

When working with families the primary focus is on the parents.

This is because they are the best and most likely agents of change for the children.

To do this, however, parents must be in the process of resolving their own issues. I believe that this calls for a heart change in them. I tell parents that this will be very challenging for them, but I also give them hope through the Word of God.

My personal experience with heart change helps me to understand their struggles. My personal heart change helps me understand their pain.

Parents have to feel good enough about themselves to be emotionally available for their children. Their window of tolerance needs to be able to handle any emotion that their children bring to them. Parents need to be a secure attachment figure for their child. God calls us to be in a state of love for our children.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Celebrate Love, Eliminate Fear



There are times that we all experience emotional and physical pain.

These experiences can last a moment or they can linger. Pay attention to your body when it tells you something is wrong. Take a stand against fear in these situations. Do not let fear generate more emotional pain. Fear creates more tension and therefore increases our physical pain.

Honor the pain and turn to God for healing. Breathe in, and you will feel relaxed and refreshed. Focus on each part of your body to allow the tension to evaporate.

You need to completely trust in God’s healing power of love. Celebrate feeling alive and free of pain.

We all need to attempt to express love in everything we do.

Love drives out fear.

It can be a kind or considerate gesture. It can be a supportive or thoughtful word. Love can be demonstrated in prayer.

Allow your Christ nature to express itself at all times through your behavior, especially when parenting. You should expect nothing in return, knowing that expressing love is a reward in itself.

Every moment of every day should be a celebration of love.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John13:35


Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Let Prayer Replace Fear With Joy



Situations in life can be troubling and can cause distractions.

Our imagination gets wound up. We find ourselves losing focus. Doubt and fear creep into our mind.

When this happens, we need to take time to pray. Breathe in God’s life-giving peace and feel yourself begin to relax. Redirect your focus to God’s protection. Affirm that God is your protector. Affirm that he is present.

These affirmations and words will calm your anxious thoughts. You will begin to feel at peace because of God’s protection.

The challenges we face can wear us down.

We can become tired spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Our gratitude and joy are replaced by fear and anxiousness. Life becomes burdensome and heavy.

When this happens we need to look to God to replace our joy, which is our strength. Put a song of praise on your lips and in your heart. Pray and ask God for help.

These simple acts of worship and praise will begin to inspire you. Your challenges become lighter. Joy replaces fear.

 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm46:1


Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Let God Take Away Fear



Our world is constantly changing, and there are times that the changes are overwhelming and confusing. We can easily lose connection with the ones we love. This creates fear in ourselves and our relationships.

We can even begin to doubt God. This doubt comes from fear. When we encounter this fear, we need to breathe deeply to calm ourselves. We need to focus on God and his love. Allow the Holy Spirit to transcend every circumstance in our life.

As we connect with the love of God, we reconnect with loved ones. Fear and doubt go away. Our faith is strengthened, and we can face the world with confidence. We are empowered to fall all challenges, trusting the outcome to God.

Every day we experience new situations and challenges. Often these situations and challenges are stressful, and create fear. Our past blueprint of fear can cause us to expect an unpleasant outcome.

We need to consciously choose to let go of any fear-based blueprints. We need to breathe deeply, and ask God to take away what we fear. Ask God to replace fear and dread with expecting good. We know that even in difficult circumstances, God’s guidance will not fail. Our strength and energy during these times will come from God. We need to expect good in our life because that is what God wants for us.

“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Do not fear, I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13


Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Prayer And Meditation Can Stop Fear



When daily challenges cause disorder and stress, it can leave us with a feeling of being out of control or losing control. Stress becomes a byproduct of fear. 

When you find yourself in a situation that you do not know how to handle, use it as an opportunity to learn. Breathe in and relax, and ask God for guidance. As God guides you through challenges, you will learn and gain understanding.

God broadens our vision of what is happening, and allows us to learn from these life lessons. Each of the interactions allow us to see more of him at work.

When experiencing difficult and unsettling times, it is easy to become distracted and focused on worries. Fear sets in, and we find ourselves feeling restless and uneasy. We obsess about the past or fantasize about the future. We forget who we are in God.

In these times, we can use prayer and meditation to connect with the spirit of God. We can rediscover our inner strength, and achieve inner peace through God’s peace. God’s help will help us feel secure in every circumstance. Our faith is strengthened, and we become an extension of God’s peace.

“Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, in the God of peace will be with you.” Phillipians 4:9


Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Allow The Holy Spirit To Guide You



Deep breathing and meditation will help us to be more mindful during any situation. Once we have learned to postpone our immediate reaction to challenging situations, we will be better able to open our hearts and minds to guidance from the Holy Spirit.

You will be able to share love, wisdom, understanding, and caring through being mindful and present with your child. These are gifts from God that you can give when you are connected with His spirit.

By regulating your emotions through deep breathing, and opening your mind to His guidance through meditation, you give yourself the opportunity to step into the presence of God. When this happens, you can then share this calm and clarity with others.

Mindfulness with your child helps create an environment of peace and love. God is always available. It is your responsibility to be mindful so you can help your child be more mindful and regulated. We accomplish this through the Holy Spirit.

“Finally, all of you have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Monday, January 19, 2015


Divine Inspiration Through Meditation

 

The business of the day may over take your focus. Stressful situations can cause our minds to go in one direction or the other: either reliving past mistakes and challenges or imagining future obstacles or fears.

 

Each of these patterns of thinking keeps you from being mindful. Losing mindfulness in the moment takes you out of relationship with your child.

 

When you find yourself being challenged, take several deep breaths and connect with God through meditation. Meditation helps you focus and is the foundation for greater awareness.

 

During meditation, you take control of all of your thoughts and turn away from negative thoughts. Sit in a comfortable position, and imagine your mind as an empty room. If thoughts occur, gently push them away, and concentrate on the emptiness. As you become regulated, you become open to divine inspiration.

 

Meditation can allow us to listen for God’s answers to challenges facing you and your child. As your burden is released, you can be present and mindful of your child. You connect with your child and follow God’s guidance.

 

Meditation helps us to be prepared mentally and spiritually so that we receive what God intends for us.

 

“All my words that I shall speak to you receive in your heart.” Ezekiel 3:10

 

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.