For you to begin releasing the bondage of shame, a paradigm shift is necessary.
The first step in shifting your paradigm begins when you are able to see the world as benevolent, and yourself as worthy. Shame-based individuals do not see their world as being benevolent because of their experiences, which have taught them shame in their life. Seeing the world as benevolent may seem like an overwhelming task, considering the condition of our world today. But if you don’t see the world as benevolent, everyone is your enemy which makes it very hard to get anything good out of this world. This perspective keeps you in a state of hypervigilance and fear.
The second step in this paradigm shift that shame-based people need to take is to start taking risks. When you take risks, you may lose something of value. What shame-based people fear losing the most is what little self-esteem they possess. This part of the paradigm shift involves separating yourself, and who you are, from your experience. For example, a failing grade does not mean you are a failure. An offer not being accepted is not a rejection of you as a person. It is simply a rejection of your offer. Shame-based people achieve their self-worth from performance, and separating self-worth from performance can be a difficult task.
The third step in this paradigm shift is distinguishing between risks that have potential positive outcomes, and risks that are a setup for failure. Initially, you need to begin by not repeating previous failures, which will help you to identify patterns of failure.
Taking these steps will help you to begin making the paradigm shift.
It will not be easy, but with prayer and belief you will be able to achieve your goal.
Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.