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Saturday, March 24, 2012

Releasing the Bondage of Shame in Finances

Shame interferes with a person’s ability to manage their finances successfully. Financial responsibility is not necessarily a function of how much money a person makes. Financial responsibility is based on a person’s attitude about money. Financial responsibility consists of effective and efficient use of resources. The manner in which shame effects finances may not be as obvious as it is in other areas of a person’s life. Shame-based people doubt that they can be financially responsible. They usually don’t believe they deserve success financially. Many times a shame-based person does not have enough money because they are underemployed. Why are they underemployed? Because they don’t believe they can get or deserve a better paying job. Shame-based people usually reject discipline. Therefore, it is hard for them to follow a budget. Saving on a regular basis can be nearly impossible for shame-based people. The same thing goes for investment. Delayed gratification is not a strong characteristic of a shame-based person. If you buy to feel good or to make up for a loss, then you are probably spending out of your shame. Your performance based blueprint tells you to spend more and more. It tells you to buy bigger and bigger.

Learn more by reading January 2012 Love in Action Newsletter @ Newsletter Archives

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Releasing the Bondage of Shame in Relationships

Relationships determine the quality of our life. Bruce Perry, MD, (Trauma, Brain, & Relationships - Helping Children Heal) states: “Everything that is important about life as a human being, you learn in context of relationships.” That’s a very powerful statement. Think about it. When person complains or have a problem it usually has to do with another person. Even if it’s a job issue, personalities are usually involved. We may want not want to admit, but we are in a relationship with our job or our career. There are numerous reasons why shame-based people fail at relationships. There are chapters in books devoted to this topic. I’ll provide an overview of how shame causes failure in relationships. Shame-based people fear intimacy. They are afraid of being hurt again because that is the blueprint of their previous relationships. You need to heal from past hurts is necessary in order to be intimate again. Otherwise, getting close to another person triggers past hurt. Not seeing yourself worthy of being loved is a setup for failure. Some shame-based people will turn into caretakers to “fix” their self-worth.

Learn more by reading January 2012 Love in Action Newsletter @ Newsletter Archives