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Sunday, June 21, 2015

When Your Own Fears Get In The Way Of Parenting

You have begun to use the 10-20-10 strategy, and are spending more time with your children. You know that you must listen and validate what your children are saying and feeling.

But you are finding it difficult to listen because of challenges that you are facing. Your own fear is causing you to regret the past and obsess about the future. Human beings live their lives largely in memory and imagination, meaning that we are either remembering the past or imagining the future. Our bodies are physically present, but our minds are elsewhere.

This is when you need to take a few deep breaths and really concentrate on focusing. You need to try and be fully mindful. I know that this can be very difficult. You need to understand that it has to occur a microsecond at a time. The skill of emotional regulation and clearing your mind is important and it must be developed. For a more detailed explanation about the neural mechanisms beneath social and emotional intelligence and how these can be cultivated through reflective practices that focus on the inner nature, you can watch this lecture from Dr. Daniel Siegel

This concept is very important, but it is just as important to understand the spiritual aspect of the process of connecting in relationships. When two or more people are gathered a spirit is created. This is found in Matthew 18:20. “For where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am with them.”

I admit that I don’t fully understand it, but I have felt it. This is a mysterious thing that we probably won’t ever fully understand, but we know that the phenomenon of a spirit created by people who are present is a powerful thing.

So remember to breathe and focus on concentrating when you are with your children, so that you are all able to experience the spiritual connection.


Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.