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Sunday, August 24, 2014

Better Husbands and Wives Make Better Parents

Families are deteriorating. The result of this deterioration is chronic problems for children. Children always suffer when they lose their secure base. The secure base in the home is not just dependent on one parent. Unfortunately, that seems to be the case in more and more families.

Ephesians 5:22-33, is a very tough set of passages. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church. The picture that is painted for husbands is very clear. I didn’t say easy, I said clear.

In the same passage, wives are called to submit to and respect their husbands. The word ‘submit’ creates a lot of fear because it is misinterpreted. Do your own research. Submit does not mean less than. I like what the Message Bible says: “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.” After all, didn’t Christ submit to his father?

The Trinity says that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are one and the same. A discussion of this type can become very complicated. We can easily get sidetracked. Since I’m not a theologian, I’m going to avoid a complicated discussion that could come out of this. I need to keep things simple.

I can easily connect this to the stress model. Loving your wife becomes fearful. Supporting and respecting your husband becomes fearful. Fear takes us out of being in a love state.

Simply put, work toward staying in a state of love. This is the individual responsibility of the husband. This is the individual responsibility of the wife. When this happens, all the other “stuff” goes away. We don’t have to worry about submission or respect. Love just begins to happen.


Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.