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Saturday, May 12, 2012

Being a Mother Tip #4 - Be slow to anger and quick to listen and to forgive

    James 1:19-21tells us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” and ready to forgive (my paraphrase of verse 21).  I recently found a new perspective for forgiveness.  The Daily Word (paraphrased), April 18, 2012 thought for the day:  “I give the gift of forgiveness for the blessing of peace of mind.”  Forgive is the combination of the words give and for.  Ask yourself what you would be willing to give for peace of mind.  Would you be willing to give up pain and anger to enjoy a better life?  How about giving up judgment or criticism of your past for freedom to live in loving ways?  This gives forgiveness a whole new powerful perspective.

Be kind to one another . . ., forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.  Ephesians 4:32

To find our more on forgiveness, read my August & September 2011 Love in Action Newsletters

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Being a Mother Tip #3 -  The three phase intervention. 

     Use the three phase intervention to help connect with your child.  The three phase intervention consists of reflect, relate, and regulate.  Reflect:   How am I feeling right now?  It is not OK for a parent to say to a child ‘Tell me how you feel” unless the parent has examined his or her own feelings.  When you connect to yourself, you can communicate in a secure way.  Relate: While you’re breathing say “I feel ________ right now, and I need to know how you feel”.  Your child may not know so give him or her words for what you sense they are feeling.  “You look (angry/sad/scare).  Are you feeling ___________?”  Then say “tell me more, I want to hear about it”.  “Tell me louder”.  Regulate: Remain regulated and accept all the feelings your child can give you.  Your calm, regulated state will help your child become regulated and move into relationship with you.

Want to learn more?  Get "The Great Behavior Breakdown" by Bryan Post