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Saturday, June 2, 2012

Being a Father - Tip #1

Use the power of your relationship to be influential and not controlling.

Bruce Perry says that the heart of humanity lies in our relationships. Everything we learn, we learn from relationship. We are neurobiologically designed to be in community and relationship. We are designed to respond, to reach out, and to seek other relationships. Without relationships we are physiologically at risk. If we are not in relationship we die. God’s model is that He loves us first so we can become loving. Then as parents we must love our children so they can become loveable and obedient. It is imperative that we focus on our vertical relationship with God so we can then have a similar horizontal relationship with our children.

Find out more, read “The Power of Relationship” @ Ken Thom Articles

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Being a Mother Tip #9 - Understand the differencebetween punishment and discipline.

A child’s obedience is afunction of the co-regulation between the parent and with the child. Co-regulation creates a secure base. A secure base influences obedience. A secure base creates positive neurologicalfeedback loops and positive conditioning. Lack of co-regulation between parents causes children to react out offear. So parents, if you’redys-regulated, then don’t expect your children to be obedient. When you are dys-regulated, God doesn’t getupset with you. He doesn’t put you intime out. He is there for you regardlessof your state of regulation. This is themodel you need to follow with your children. Unfortunately there has been a blurring of definitions and lack ofunderstanding of expectations. Punishment is used and is expected to get the results ofdiscipline. Isn’t it more sociablyacceptable to say that you’re “disciplining” your child rather than punishinghim? I have found that most parentsbelieve punishment and discipline are synonymous. Also, parents don’t truly understand what anatural consequence means.

Read more on punishment anddiscipline in my April & May 2011 Love inAction Newsletters.