All That Happens Is Part Of God’s Plan

“How does God want me to use this experience?”

A few years ago, I had just finished Thanksgiving dinner at my mom’s house. The kids were playing and wrestling around. The adults were positioned in the usual Thanksgiving after-dinner stupor. Sound familiar? I hope and pray that you and your family are blessed as you gather together this year.

When you are this comfortable, it’s hard to remember those times when the lack of faith questions nag at us: “Why this?” or “What now?” or “How?”

When those questions start sounding in your head, the faith-based question that you need to be asking more is, “How does God want me to use this experience?” I reference Roman 8:28, a scripture that I use as one of my spiritual “rocks” when I’m challenged: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Most of the setbacks we encounter are followed by a blessing. Whatever you want to call them, challenges, stumbling blocks, problems, or issues, happen to us for a reason. God may not allow us to see the reason right away, or ever for that matter, but trust in Him that everything that happens to us is part of His plan. When these happen in your life, ask yourself, “How does God want me to use this experience?”

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Fear Holds Us Back

Throughout our life’s journey, we will learn how fear enters into everything we do, even the things that are good and positive in our lives.

Bruce Perry says that the amygdala codes all new experiences as fear until deemed otherwise. In every walk of life, from school to work to parenting, there are many situations that it takes our system time to deem as “otherwise.”

It’s normal to experience fear in new situations. The challenge is to not live there.

That is hard when you are experiencing situation after situation that triggers fear. Fear challenges our faith. I find myself constantly having to re-affirm my faith and speak faith words into my life.

The fear we experience doesn’t have to be the paralyzing fear we experience from trauma and abuse. Fear can be experienced like a little cloud that is always following us around. It puts a shadow on everything we do. It brings constant doubt to all situations. It makes us question our abilities in everything we attempt. Familiar tasks seem bigger than they are. Everything is more complicated.

Fear shrinks our window of tolerance, our patience levels. Most of all, it is responsible for stealing our joy. Satan takes advantage of any cracks in your faith. He is relentless. John 10:10 – ‘The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy”.

Realize the hold that fear can have on your life. God will love and protect us as we face it head on.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Look To Our Heavenly Father For Help

When we are dealing with a broken heart or broken spirit, sometimes our friends, in their humanness, fail us. Our pain is too great for them, but it isn't too great for God. He sees our hurt and He cares and meets us where we are. (Psalm 51:17) God heals problems. (Psalm147:3)

Jesus publically proclaimed in His ministry the following from Isaiah 61:1-2 (NIV): “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn.”

God provides for us a safe place, a place where the fear of healing will not drive us away. We can receive healing. Psalm 57:1 (NIV): “Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.” He restores my soul. (Psalm 23) God mends broken hearts. God mends broken dreams.

God provides us with counsel for the journey. John 14:1-3 (NIV): "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

I purposely included a lot of scriptures for your reference. Choose these or others that speak to your heart. Use them to stand on when the journey gets overwhelming. I encourage you to read the entire fifth chapter of Mark. It is very encouraging and will strengthen your faith.

I believe that a significant part of our healing comes from telling our story. Everywhere Jesus went he told a story. His stories were usually parables. He also spoke the word of God. Each scar you have has a story. That story can help others heal. Be brave and tell your story to someone: a pastor, a therapist, or a counselor. Let a professional support and encourage you as you work to mend your broken heart.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

How Do We Mend A Broken Heart?

Broken hearts comes in many forms. There is disappointment that can crush all hope. There is betrayal, which leaves behind bitterness and resentment. Our plans fail and take away everything that we anticipated. Sin mars our broken world. There is child abuse and neglect, rape, addictions, and assault. Bad things happen to good people.

How do we mend a broken heart?

We have to stay on our healing journey. Even if we are not completely healed, the apostle Paul says to finish the race. (2 Timothy 4:7) We keep our eyes focused on Jesus. The journey is very difficult much of the time, just like the journey of Jesus. We become weary and want out. We don’t want to do this anymore. Our lives are full of desperation.

It was no different for the dead daughter of Jabirus. “Immediately the girl stood up and walked around. At this they were completely astonished," Mark 5:42. It was no different for the woman who had an issue of blood. “Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering,” Matthew 5:29. All hope was gone. Death seemed better than life.

God has made promises to the brokenhearted. God is near those who have broken hearts. (Psalm 34:18) The Holy Spirit (the Comforter) is always with us. Jesus is always with us.

God is with us on our healing journey. He is very aware of our every hurt. He cares about our every disappointment. He cares about our every struggle. Psalm 33:18: “But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.” He is a father who loves and understands.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Choosing To Heal Is The First Step

Michael W. Smith’s "Healing Rain" is a song that has spoken to me for a number of years. I believe that this is truly an anointed song. Michael repeats over and over again “healing rain is coming down, healing rain is coming down, don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid of healing rain.”

On a cognitive level, why would someone be afraid of healing? Healing is good, right?

I once spoke with an elderly person who had a broken elbow. She had been experiencing significant pain for several months. She went to the hospital to have an operation. After she got there, she could not follow through with it. She told me it was too scary. Her fear of going through the healing process kept her from healing.

This is an example of physical healing. Even with all the medical breakthroughs of pain relief and minimally invasive procedures, her fear paralyzed her.

I believe that the fear of emotional healing is even greater. Emotional healing is a matter of the heart. Broken hearts are difficult to mend because the brokenness goes deep. And for many of us who were unable to escape from a situation or who make the same choices again and again, the hurt has been repeated and has left scars.

The brokenness is also associated with tremendous fear and trauma. As Jesus ascended to Heaven, He promised to send a “counselor” to help us in our time of need. (John 16:7-8) That is the good news.

However, just as my friend was afraid of going through the healing process for her broken elbow, we are often afraid of utilizing the many resources we have available to us to help us heal our broken hearts. Yes, there will be pain, but your pastor or another professional such as myself can help ease your way through the healing process so that you can face life with love and gratitude.

“Healing rain” comes in different forms. God has a plan for your journey. Seek counsel of others of like spirit and like-mindedness. Find the safe place God has for you while here on Earth. God loves you. He will put people in your life to provide a safe environment so you can heal. God cares for us as a father cares for his children.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Reflect – Relate - Regulate

Connecting with our children takes effort and dedication. Hopefully, you’re already using my 10-20-10 formula to provide daily validation for your children. (See my blog of Oct. 12, 2014.)

The next step is a Three Phase Intervention. Use this to help connect with your child. The Three Phase Intervention consists of reflect, relate, and regulate.

Reflect:  How am I feeling right now? It is not OK for a parent to say to a child "Tell me how you feel” unless the parent has examined his or her own feelings. When you connect to yourself, you can communicate in a secure way.

Relate: While you’re breathing say “I feel ________ right now, and I need to know how you feel.” The child may not know, so give him or her words for what you sense they are feeling. “You look (angry/sad/scared). Are you feeling ___________?” Then say “Tell me more, I want to hear about it.” “Tell me louder.”

Regulate: Remain emotionally regulated (calm, in control of your own feelings) and accept all the feelings your child can give you. Your calm, regulated state will help your child become regulated and move into a positive relationship with you.

Take time each day to count your blessings with your child. Together, you will become mindful of all the details God takes care of and you will be blessed with abundance.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

10-20-10 Builds Relationships With Your Children

Every parent/child relationship can be strengthened by following my 10-20-10 formula.

Here’s how it works: Parents make special opportunities to be with their child following my 10-20-10 method. Simply put, this means to spend 10 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon, and 10 minutes in the evening with your child. These are special opportunities to be with your child:  just listen without judging, blaming, or shaming. Validate whatever your child is saying and feeling.

Validation does not mean you agree with their opinion. Validation means that you are listening to your child. By doing this, families can start to start to repair their broken relationship. This improved relationship then goes towards influencing the child to make more responsible decisions and demonstrate respect.

Jesus said in Luke 18:16 to "let the children come to me." This is Godly advice for parents. Jesus was a safe place for children. Parents need to strive to be a safe place for their children.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.