Oxytocin in The Fall Air

I took my grandson to the “Fall Classic” on Saturday. This has been an annual event at Arrowhead Stadium for the past ten years between Pitt State and Northwest Missouri State University. It starts out the Friday before with pep rallies, cook out, and of course tailgates the day of the game. The anticipation of the game generates a lot of excitement. I could “feel” it as I left the chiropractor’s office yesterday. The office is in an area where a lot of college students live. They were out in their yards, throwing the football and being college kids. Erik was looking forward to meeting up with first time friends he made last year to throw the football and be kids. When we arrived at the game we were greeted by fellow tail gaiters with smiles and brauts. What does all of the have to do with oxytocin? The activities, anticipation and positive interaction all stimulate oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that increases in response to stress and is associated with good social skills such as empathy and enjoying the company of others. Read the research about this at ironbearfitness.wordpress.com/.../psychologists-discover-oxyt. There are many ways to stimulate your oxytocin. Obviously there isn’t a football classic available when you need an oxytocin boost. Deep breathing, relaxation, and meditation are natural ways to stimulate your oxytocin. Are you having difficulty learning to relax and clear your mind. To help you and your child with this , I have just released a set of six relaxation CDs designed to help you and your child learn to relax Each CD focuses on a specific behavior that your child may be a challenge. So in addition to learning to relax, you and your child will learn a new skill to reduce a specific behavior. I am offering a FREE relaxation CD of your choice when you subscribe to either my free Love in Action Newsletter or free weekly Christian Parent Wisdom. Go to http://bit.ly/pBDTqY to take advantage of this offer.

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Get Your Oxytocin Stimulated

Oxytocin has received a lot of attention lately. Research is finding out more and more about this human stress hormone. There are now products you can use to help stimulate your oxytocin. I’ve heard mixed reviews on these products. If you chose to use these, I would recommend you do some research and be an educated consumer. I do know that there are natural ways to stimulate your oxytocin. Breathing and relaxing are interventions to reduce anxiety and fear. They have been around a long time and are effective. If you need help in developing these skills, I have a solution for you. You can read more about oxytocin by visiting this link. http://www.examiner.com/political-buzz-in-newark/oxytocin-the-love-hormone
I am offering a FREE relaxation CD of your choice when you subscribe to either my free Love in Action Newsletter or free weekly Christian Parent Wisdom. Go to http://bit.ly/pBDTqY to take advantage of this offer.

Be Quick to Forgive

Forgiveness was brought to may attention first thing this past Monday morning. A person I pray with every morning on a conference call prayer line experienced a drive by shooting this past week end. His van was hit by two bullets while at a cook out in a near by neighborhood. He was grateful that no one was hurt. As he was praying, he prayed about forgiving those who did the shooting. As I thought about this, I wasn’t sure I could get to that point as quickly as he did. He took action, knowing what he needed to do whether he waned to or not. Forgiveness takes action on our part. Read more in Love in Action, September, 2011 Newsletter. http://bit.ly/nNyPn6

Rejection by Our Children

When our chidlren do not do what we want them to, our unconscious gets triggered. It may be fear that our child will get hurt or that something bad may happen to them. This is a fairly normal, common reaction. I ask parents to explore is how much their child’s disobedience felt like a rejection. Many parents are willing to go to that deeper level. Rejection carriers a tremendous amount of fear with it. That is because fear of rejection is usually a core issue with most people. As much as we don’t want to admit it, it truly is. Wednesday’s blog talked about a mother who medicated her hurt by giving a consequence. Consequences keep us out of relationship with our children. I understand why she did this. She didn’t want to be rejected again. However, she was allowing her fear of what would happen create a negative neurological feed back loop of mutual rejection. We do this so many times. Our fear of what happens creates dys-regulation. What we fear the most happens. As parents, we want our children to love us. We expect that, when in fact much of the time our children are not capable of loving themselves and therefore cannot love us. As parents, we have to feel good enough about ourselves to handle rejection from our children so that we can love them into a place of loving themselves and loving us back. Children experience consequences as a rejection of themselves. This causes them to be dys-regulated and reject us out of their fear of being hurt again. The challenge of parenting is to love yourself enough to be able to handle what ever your child brings to you. Isn’t that the way God does it? We are never rejected by God, even when we don’t or can’t love him. Remember, he loved us first and sought after us. Read my article “The Power of Relationship” for more on this at http://bit.ly/pBwc85.

Rejectio by Our Children

When our chidlren do not do what we want them to, our unconscious gets triggered. It may be fear that our child will get hurt or that something bad may happen to them. This is a fairly normal, common reaction. I ask parents to explore is how much their child’s disobedience felt like a rejection. Many parents are willing to go to that deeper level. Rejection carriers a tremendous amount of fear with it. That is because fear of rejection is usually a core issue with most people. As much as we don’t want to admit it, it truly is. Wednesday’s blog talked about a mother who medicated her hurt by giving a consequence. Consequences keep us out of relationship with our children. I understand why she did this. She didn’t want to be rejected again. However, she was allowing her fear of what would happen create a negative neurological feed back loop of mutual rejection. We do this so many times. Our fear of what happens creates dys-regulation. What we fear the most happens. As parents, we want our children to love us. We expect that, when in fact much of the time our children are not capable of loving themselves and therefore cannot love us. As parents, we have to feel good enough about ourselves to handle rejection from our children so that we can love them into a place of loving themselves and loving us back. Children experience consequences as a rejection of themselves. This causes them to be dys-regulated and reject us out of their fear of being hurt again. The challenge of parenting is to love yourself enough to be able to handle what ever your child brings to you. Isn’t that the way God does it? We are never rejected by God, even when we don’t or can’t love him. Remember, he loved us first and sought after us. Read my article “The Power of Relationship” for more on this at http://bit.ly/pBwc85.

Consequences - a Parent’s Elixir for Fear

I just had to write about this experience. A mother had given her son a consequence of writing three pages front and back for a negative behavior. If you are familiar with the stress model, you know this is not an effective solution to this or any behavior problem. As we were discussing this, I could tell that initially, she was on the defensive side. Her first comment was that she was going to keep the consequence even though she knew it wouldn’t work. I broke out in a little chuckle. So did she. This broke her defensiveness. Normally, I wouldn’t have chuckled at a parent. However, I have a good relationship with this parent. She usually knows where I’m going when I ask her to talk about a parenting situation. She then followed it up with saying that she wanted help to find a solution for the problem. We discussed what she needed to do to get re-connected with her son. Then she could help him resolve the stress that was causing the negative behavior. She was very aware that her and her son had become disconnected in their relationship lately. Bottom line, she was feeling rejected and was medicating her pain by giving her son a consequence to make her feel better. Read my article “Consequences” for more on this at http://bit.ly/pBwc85 Saturday’s blog will talk more about her “rejection”.