The three phase intervention.
Use the three phase intervention to help connect with your child. The three phase intervention consists of reflect, relate, and regulate. Reflect: How am I feeling right now? It is not OK for a parent to say to a child ‘Tell me how you feel” unless the parent has examined his or her own feelings. When you connect to yourself, you can communicate in a secure way. Relate: While you’re breathing say “I feel ________ right now, and I need to know how you feel”. Your child may not know so give him or her words for what you sense they are feeling. “You look (angry/sad/scare). Are you feeling ___________?” Then say “tell me more, I want to hear about it”. “Tell me louder”. Regulate: Remain regulated and accept all the feelings your child can give you. Your calm, regulated state will help your child become regulated and move into relationship with you.
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