Being a Mother Tip #6 - Increase quality time with yourchild.

I recommend that you start tomake special opportunities to be with your child by learning the 10-20-10strategy on a regular basis. Here’s aformula to follow. You spend 10 minutesin the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon, and 10 minutes in the evening withyour child. These are specialopportunities to be with your child. These opportunities are to just listen without judging, blaming, orshaming. Validate whatever your child issaying and feeling. Validation does notmean you agree with their opinion. Validation means that you are listening to your child. By doing this families can begin to repair theirbroken relationship. Repairing yourrelationship with your child helps you influence your child to start makingmore responsible decisions and demonstrating respect.

Incorporate daily scripturebased meditations during your 10-20-10 time. Get “Christian Parent Wisdom” @ Ken ThomProducts

Being a Mother Tip #5 - Reverse negative neurological feedback loops.

     
You can reverse negative feedback loops by interrupting your child’s stress cycle.  This will help you connect with your child. Begin by exploring what is contributing to the negative neurological feedback loops within the family.  You need to identify your negative reactions to your child’s behavior.  Begin to understand what in your past triggers this negative reaction.  Understanding this is critical in developing secure attachments with children.  You need to have an understanding of your own childhood attachments.  Your own history of attachments and relationships is the blueprint you follow.  Until this blueprint is changed you will continue to perpetuate negative neurological feedback loops within the family. 

Looking for more information?  Get "The Great Behavior Breakdown" by Bryan Post

Being a Mother Tip #4 - Be slow to anger and quick to listen and to forgive

    James 1:19-21tells us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” and ready to forgive (my paraphrase of verse 21).  I recently found a new perspective for forgiveness.  The Daily Word (paraphrased), April 18, 2012 thought for the day:  “I give the gift of forgiveness for the blessing of peace of mind.”  Forgive is the combination of the words give and for.  Ask yourself what you would be willing to give for peace of mind.  Would you be willing to give up pain and anger to enjoy a better life?  How about giving up judgment or criticism of your past for freedom to live in loving ways?  This gives forgiveness a whole new powerful perspective.

Be kind to one another . . ., forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.  Ephesians 4:32

To find our more on forgiveness, read my August & September 2011 Love in Action Newsletters

Being a Mother Tip #3 -  The three phase intervention. 

     Use the three phase intervention to help connect with your child.  The three phase intervention consists of reflect, relate, and regulate.  Reflect:   How am I feeling right now?  It is not OK for a parent to say to a child ‘Tell me how you feel” unless the parent has examined his or her own feelings.  When you connect to yourself, you can communicate in a secure way.  Relate: While you’re breathing say “I feel ________ right now, and I need to know how you feel”.  Your child may not know so give him or her words for what you sense they are feeling.  “You look (angry/sad/scare).  Are you feeling ___________?”  Then say “tell me more, I want to hear about it”.  “Tell me louder”.  Regulate: Remain regulated and accept all the feelings your child can give you.  Your calm, regulated state will help your child become regulated and move into relationship with you.

Want to learn more?  Get "The Great Behavior Breakdown" by Bryan Post

Being a Mother - Tip #2 Look for healing opportunities. 

     Challenges bring with them great opportunities for healing and re-connection. Interrupt your child’s stress cycles.  Breathe in and get past your own fear.  Become emotionally safe for your child. Respond in love and you will send positive energy to the places that need healing.  Emotional regulation through love promotes healing.  Help your child become refreshed at the cellular level.  Your part in the healing process is to create a safe environment.  Your part in the healing process is to bring love, grace, and forgiveness into our children’s life.  Your part is to allow love, grace, and forgiveness to flow through our lives.  When you do this, you help create an environment conducive to healing for your child.  You are not responsible for healing but you are responsible to others to help them on their journey to heal.  Simple?  Yes.  Complex and hard to do?  Yes.  Perfect love and forgiveness comes only from Jesus through our relationship with him.  Therefore you must work to get yourself into that place of love and forgiveness.   

It will be a healing for your flesh and refreshment for your body.  Proverbs 3:8

Find out more, read “Healing Journey” @ Ken Thom Articles

Being a Mother - Tip #1

Use the power of your relationship to be influential and not controlling.

Bruce Perry says that the heart of humanity lies in our relationships.  Everything we learn, we learn from relationship.  We are neurobiologically designed to be in community and relationship.  We are designed to respond, to reach out, and to seek other relationships.  Without relationships we are physiologically at risk.  If we are not in relationship we die.  God’s model is that He loves us first so we can become loving.  Then as parents we must love our children so they can become loveable and obedient.  It is imperative that we focus on our vertical relationship with God so we can then have a similar horizontal relationship with our children.

Find out more, read “The Power of Relationship” @ Ken Thom Articles

 

Jesus Heals Shame

It’s important in this journey to separate religion from spirituality. Religion is the way that you practice your spirituality. It is a structure through which you demonstrate your faith. Religion is made by man. Therefore it is flawed. All too often, our perception of spirituality and faith is damaged by religion. Therefore, it is important to look past religion to what you believe in. You may need to review the articles on forgiveness when religious and other human experiences block your spiritual journey. Be courageous and press on to break the bondage of shame and heal spiritually. Belief in Jesus means that there is a power greater than yourself that you can rely on. Jesus said in John 14:6 NIV “I am the way and the truth and the life.” That is not to the exclusion of others but that Jesus is the ultimate power. That is very scary for shame-based people because of their lack of trust. Their lack of trust is based on their human experiences. It is natural and normal to place human characteristics on God. Our human experiences dictate our perceptions.

Find out more about healing shame through grace, read January 2012 Love in Action Newsletter
@ http://bit.ly/nNyPn6