You have begun to use the 10-20-10 strategy, and are
spending more time with your children. You know that you must listen and
validate what your children are saying and feeling.
But you are finding it difficult to listen because of
challenges that you are facing. Your own fear is causing you to regret the past
and obsess about the future. Human beings live their lives largely in memory
and imagination, meaning that we are either remembering the past or imagining
the future. Our bodies are physically present, but our minds are elsewhere.
This is when you need to take a few deep breaths and really
concentrate on focusing. You need to try and be fully mindful. I know that this
can be very difficult. You need to understand that it has to occur a
microsecond at a time. The skill of emotional regulation and clearing your mind
is important and it must be developed. For a more detailed explanation about
the neural mechanisms beneath social and emotional intelligence and how these
can be cultivated through reflective practices that focus on the inner nature,
you can watch this lecture from Dr. Daniel Siegel http://bit.ly/skvVSt.
This concept is very important, but it is just as important
to understand the spiritual aspect of the process of connecting in relationships.
When two or more people are gathered a spirit is created. This is found in
Matthew 18:20. “For where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am with
them.”
I admit that I don’t fully understand it, but I have felt
it. This is a mysterious thing that we probably won’t ever fully understand,
but we know that the phenomenon of a spirit created by people who are present
is a powerful thing.
So remember to breathe and focus on concentrating when you
are with your children, so that you are all able to experience the spiritual
connection.
***
Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a
nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for
parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family
Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor
as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting
children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.
