See Children's Behavior Differently

The world tells us that negative behaviors are the way that children try to manipulate and control us, and that we should punish these actions. We must learn to look past a child’s negative and challenging behaviors, and shift our paradigm to see these behaviors as the child’s communication for connection with you. We must free ourselves from the ‘shoulds’ of the world. This will be challenging, but we must think about how God allows our negative behavior and waits for us to talk with Him. John 8:36, says “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Structure Benefits Children

When your child exhibits irresponsible behavior, it is a sign that your child is overwhelmed, not lazy. You may find that you need to make your child’s world a little smaller during the summer. We have learned that not enough structure leads to dys-regulation, so put order in your child’s life. It can be difficult, but when dealing with dys-regulation, you must look past any chaotic present circumstances, and see spiritual understanding while God’s divine plan for your family unfolds. You will find that order is restored in your life, and in your relationship with your child. 2 Corinthians 5:16 says, “From now on, therefore, we regard no one from a human point of view; even though we once knew Christ from the human point of view, we know him no longer in that way.”

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Connect With Love

We must remember that aggression is a sign of fear. Children with trauma histories can easily be overwhelmed by social situations. You need to look past the aggression, see your child as being afraid, and let your heart lead you to connect in love.  God’s love is there to comfort in all circumstances, and you must choose to comfort your child in all circumstances. Connecting with your child will help you find peace within your heart.  Psalm 119:76 says, “Let your steadfast love become my comfort according to your promise to your servant.”

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Provide Emotional Safety For Your Child

It is important to remember that a child who has a small window of tolerance can be overwhelmed by positive stimulation. Do not punish the meltdown, but rather take responsibility for not providing enough emotional safety for your child. You can use this opportunity to connect and expand your child’s window of tolerance. It is imperative that you remain emotionally safe and steadfast for your child in all circumstances. When fear and dys-regulation disrupts order and harmony, you need to affirm that all is well, and clear yourself of all concerns.  You are able to remain steadfast because you know that God is in control. Psalm 108:1 says, “My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast.”

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Shame Tries To Block Healing

As you begin the process of healing, you’ll find yourself beginning to feel the love of Jesus.

Shame will cause you to doubt this love.

Shame will block out the power and the love of God.

Shame will block out the healing grace of God.

That is why encouragement from other believers is so important.

Reading the word of God will help you to understand the new information needed for your paradigm shift. The Bible is full of God’s promises and words of encouragement.

We’ll begin with Jeremiah 1:4-5 NIV - “before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you part; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

This lets you know and establishes that God has a direction for your life from the beginning. Your paradigm shift will allow you to see yourself through new spiritual eyes. Being born again gives you a new life and we learn from 2 Corinthians 4:16 NIV that “we are being renewed day by day.”

You want to shift your paradigm from a “world view” to a view of what God’s will is for you. Romans 12:2 NIV tells us that you will be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

We must not let Shame impede our progress because we know that we have the love of God and the healing grace of God.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

When Your Own Fears Get In The Way Of Parenting

You have begun to use the 10-20-10 strategy, and are spending more time with your children. You know that you must listen and validate what your children are saying and feeling.

But you are finding it difficult to listen because of challenges that you are facing. Your own fear is causing you to regret the past and obsess about the future. Human beings live their lives largely in memory and imagination, meaning that we are either remembering the past or imagining the future. Our bodies are physically present, but our minds are elsewhere.

This is when you need to take a few deep breaths and really concentrate on focusing. You need to try and be fully mindful. I know that this can be very difficult. You need to understand that it has to occur a microsecond at a time. The skill of emotional regulation and clearing your mind is important and it must be developed. For a more detailed explanation about the neural mechanisms beneath social and emotional intelligence and how these can be cultivated through reflective practices that focus on the inner nature, you can watch this lecture from Dr. Daniel Siegel http://bit.ly/skvVSt.

This concept is very important, but it is just as important to understand the spiritual aspect of the process of connecting in relationships. When two or more people are gathered a spirit is created. This is found in Matthew 18:20. “For where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am with them.”

I admit that I don’t fully understand it, but I have felt it. This is a mysterious thing that we probably won’t ever fully understand, but we know that the phenomenon of a spirit created by people who are present is a powerful thing.

So remember to breathe and focus on concentrating when you are with your children, so that you are all able to experience the spiritual connection.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Fathers, Increase The Quality Time You Spend With Your Child

If you think back on your own childhood, do you remember the things that your father bought you or activities that you did together. I think we all remember going fishing, camping, playing catch, etc.

Now is the time to make the decision to increase the quality time that you spend with your children.

I recommend that you learn and utilize the 10-20-10 strategy, which is a simple formula to follow. 

You spend 10 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon, and 10 minutes in the evening with your children. These opportunities are simply to listen and not judge, blame, or shame. You need to validate what your children are saying and feeling. Validation does not mean that you agree with what they are saying and feeling, but you are listening and hearing them.

Spending less than an hour each day listening to your children can begin to repair broken relationships. Repairing relationships allows you to help influence your children to start making more responsible decisions while also demonstrating respect.

So, tomorrow, begin using the 10-20-10 strategy and remember to listen.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.