Being a Mother Tip #3 -  The three phase intervention. 

     Use the three phase intervention to help connect with your child.  The three phase intervention consists of reflect, relate, and regulate.  Reflect:   How am I feeling right now?  It is not OK for a parent to say to a child ‘Tell me how you feel” unless the parent has examined his or her own feelings.  When you connect to yourself, you can communicate in a secure way.  Relate: While you’re breathing say “I feel ________ right now, and I need to know how you feel”.  Your child may not know so give him or her words for what you sense they are feeling.  “You look (angry/sad/scare).  Are you feeling ___________?”  Then say “tell me more, I want to hear about it”.  “Tell me louder”.  Regulate: Remain regulated and accept all the feelings your child can give you.  Your calm, regulated state will help your child become regulated and move into relationship with you.

Want to learn more?  Get "The Great Behavior Breakdown" by Bryan Post