Being a Mother Tip #3 -  The three phase intervention. 

     Use the three phase intervention to help connect with your child.  The three phase intervention consists of reflect, relate, and regulate.  Reflect:   How am I feeling right now?  It is not OK for a parent to say to a child ‘Tell me how you feel” unless the parent has examined his or her own feelings.  When you connect to yourself, you can communicate in a secure way.  Relate: While you’re breathing say “I feel ________ right now, and I need to know how you feel”.  Your child may not know so give him or her words for what you sense they are feeling.  “You look (angry/sad/scare).  Are you feeling ___________?”  Then say “tell me more, I want to hear about it”.  “Tell me louder”.  Regulate: Remain regulated and accept all the feelings your child can give you.  Your calm, regulated state will help your child become regulated and move into relationship with you.

Want to learn more?  Get "The Great Behavior Breakdown" by Bryan Post

Being a Mother - Tip #2 Look for healing opportunities. 

     Challenges bring with them great opportunities for healing and re-connection. Interrupt your child’s stress cycles.  Breathe in and get past your own fear.  Become emotionally safe for your child. Respond in love and you will send positive energy to the places that need healing.  Emotional regulation through love promotes healing.  Help your child become refreshed at the cellular level.  Your part in the healing process is to create a safe environment.  Your part in the healing process is to bring love, grace, and forgiveness into our children’s life.  Your part is to allow love, grace, and forgiveness to flow through our lives.  When you do this, you help create an environment conducive to healing for your child.  You are not responsible for healing but you are responsible to others to help them on their journey to heal.  Simple?  Yes.  Complex and hard to do?  Yes.  Perfect love and forgiveness comes only from Jesus through our relationship with him.  Therefore you must work to get yourself into that place of love and forgiveness.   

It will be a healing for your flesh and refreshment for your body.  Proverbs 3:8

Find out more, read “Healing Journey” @ Ken Thom Articles

Being a Mother - Tip #1

Use the power of your relationship to be influential and not controlling.

Bruce Perry says that the heart of humanity lies in our relationships.  Everything we learn, we learn from relationship.  We are neurobiologically designed to be in community and relationship.  We are designed to respond, to reach out, and to seek other relationships.  Without relationships we are physiologically at risk.  If we are not in relationship we die.  God’s model is that He loves us first so we can become loving.  Then as parents we must love our children so they can become loveable and obedient.  It is imperative that we focus on our vertical relationship with God so we can then have a similar horizontal relationship with our children.

Find out more, read “The Power of Relationship” @ Ken Thom Articles

 

Jesus Heals Shame

It’s important in this journey to separate religion from spirituality. Religion is the way that you practice your spirituality. It is a structure through which you demonstrate your faith. Religion is made by man. Therefore it is flawed. All too often, our perception of spirituality and faith is damaged by religion. Therefore, it is important to look past religion to what you believe in. You may need to review the articles on forgiveness when religious and other human experiences block your spiritual journey. Be courageous and press on to break the bondage of shame and heal spiritually. Belief in Jesus means that there is a power greater than yourself that you can rely on. Jesus said in John 14:6 NIV “I am the way and the truth and the life.” That is not to the exclusion of others but that Jesus is the ultimate power. That is very scary for shame-based people because of their lack of trust. Their lack of trust is based on their human experiences. It is natural and normal to place human characteristics on God. Our human experiences dictate our perceptions.

Find out more about healing shame through grace, read January 2012 Love in Action Newsletter
@ http://bit.ly/nNyPn6

Love Heals Shame

A big stumbling block I find in most shame-based people is their lack of understanding of God grace. If your shame blocks you from being able to receive the full measure of God’s grace, then read the January 2012, Love in Action Newsletter @ Newsletter Archives. God’s gift is already given. It is there for you to take. John 19:30 NIV - Jesus hung on the cross and said “it is finished”. His work on the cross gives you permission to throw off the bondage of shame. His work on the cross allows you to be released from the shackles of your shame. The closest thing I can compare this to is the love you give your children. No matter what, you wouldn’t take it away. No matter what, you wouldn’t stop giving it. You may not feel that way at times, but I believe that is what is in your hearts. God put it there. He does it perfectly. You must strive to do the same. Your new faith-based community will help you see this. They will encourage you along your journey.

Find out more about healing shame through love, read January 2012 Love in Action Newsletter
@ http://bit.ly/nNyPn6

Faith Heals Shame

As you begin this process of healing, you’ll begin to feel the love of Jesus. Shame will cause you to doubt this love. Shame will block out the power and the love of God. Shame will block out the healing grace of God. That is why encouragement from other believers is so important. Reading the word of God will help you understand the new information needed for your paradigm shift. The Bible is full of God’s promises and words of encouragement. I’ll begin with Jeremiah 1:4-5 NIV - “before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you part; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” This establishes that God has a direction for your life from the beginning. Your paradigm shift will allow you to see yourself through new spiritual eyes. Being born again gives you a new life. 2 Corinthians 4:16 NIV tells you that “we are being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV gives you your new image. You are shifting your paradigm from a world view to a view of what God’s will is for you. Romans 12:2 NIV tells you that you will be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Hope Heals Shame

Shame tells us that we are sinners with no hope. Right now, I’m telling you that there is hope. You may be in a place where that is hard to believe. All I am asking is that you be open to the hope that is available. This will take a paradigm shift of whom and what you believe in. This will take a paradigm shift of where your security is based. Any paradigm shift is overwhelming. Paradigm shifts are not events. Paradigm shifts are a process. Many times I find my personal spiritual journey overwhelming. That’s because I am constantly being challenged to continue to change my paradigm to being more spiritual. A paradigm shift takes willingness and effort to embrace new concepts. It takes repetition and emotional impact. Emotional impact occurs when you actually see and feel new techniques working. You need to become educated and develop new awareness. You need to develop a complete understanding of new information. As I discussed in the previous articles, shame-based people look to other people, places, and things to make them feel good. I will get right to the point. The paradigm shift I’m asking you to make is to put your hope in Jesus. That is where your security needs to be based. Jesus is who you need to believe in. The word of God is what you need to believe in. It is imperative to remember that a paradigm shift is a gradual process. You will be challenged. However, there is support and resources along your journey to help.

Find out more about healing shame through hope, read FEBRUARY 2012 Love in Action Newsletter @ http://bit.ly/nNyPn6