Loving Behaviors

Loving behaviors put into action a very powerful force. That force is God’s love that is in us. We have the ability to release this love when we stay connected to God. Love connects us to others and we then help them release the love of God that is within them. We appreciate and respect our family members and friends. We demonstrate forgiveness and grace. We see the good in ourselves and the good in others. The more love I give, the more my love grows because it is fueled by those around me. Conflict is replaced by a spirit of cooperation. Give more love this Christmas season and experience more love in your life. Love is always available. Take a few deep breathes and step into the love that is available.

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All My Needs II

Philippians 4:19 says “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” In the previous blog I discussed God is our supply, he is dependable and gives us hope. Further more, God gives to us not out of, but according to his riches in glory. This means that we don’t get the left overs. We sit down and experience the entire banquet. God is on always on time. God always does it the right way. His works are designed specifically for each one of us. During our journey we experience many wounds, failures, and scars. These are also taken care of through forgiveness and God’s healing power. John 10:10 says “.......... I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Don’t miss out this Christmas season. Freely accept what God has freely given. If you’re traveling alone along your journey, you’ll miss it. Connect with God and be blessed. Get my personal testimony “Spiritual Connection” @ http://bit.ly/oZ5uIO.

All I Need I

Many of the parents who came to the parent camp in Wisconsin in November were first time participants. This usually means that they are exhausted all of their resources. Nothing they have tried works consistently for any length of time. These parents feel Ike they’re on a treadmill that takes them through crisis after crisis and things don’t get better. This is not at all a judgment or criticism. This is a common story from parents who have adopted or take in foster children. They are exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am encouraged to say the Bryan Post’s Stress Model gives parents hope because it works. Even when using these strategies, parenting children with challenging behaviors can be exhausting. This is when we need to use our spiritual resources. Philippians 4:19 says “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

God is the source of our supply. He gave us Jesus which is a gift that indwells in us. We do not have to depend on our own abilities or strength. All our needs are met through God’s endless supply. We can always depend on God. God pursued us. God is loyal and faithful even when we are not and don’t deserve it. The gift of Jesus gives us hope as our savior. We then look forward to the promise of mercy and grace that came from the resurrection and empty tomb. Be grateful this season for the gift of Jesus. Read about Jesus - the Gift of Relationship @ http://bit.ly/pBwc85. More to follow in next blog.

What Do I Give?

This question goes through my mind every year when my family draws names for our gift exchange. I am not very creative when it comes to gift giving. My practicality urges me to get something useful. Get something that person needs. It must be useful. These messages are part of my blueprint. Not that being practical isn’t beneficial. It does have its merits. Our blueprints can make it difficult to be flexible. I also realize that I am fighting the flesh. The flesh focuses on material things and resists spiritual things. I am becoming more aware of how the message of Jesus has been lost at Christmas. After all, Christmas decorations went on sale before Halloween in my area. I am not asking you to give up or change your holiday traditions and celebrations. I would ask you to shift more of your focus to the greatest gift of all. John 3:16 says that “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son”. Let’s all try to give the gift that keeps on giving. The gift of love. Love continues to give forgiveness, mercy, grace, compassion, and acceptance. You don’t have to shop for it and you don’t have to stand in line to get it. It’s always available and as Corinthians 13:8 tells us “Love never fails”. Jesus won’t fail you. Read more about this by going to http://bit.ly/pBwc85 and read “Jesus the Gift of Relationship” in my archived articles.

Restin in the Lord

I didn’t blog last week during the week of Thanksgiving because the Sunday before Thanksgiving I had just returned from a parent camp in Wisconsin with Bryan Post. Catching up on four days of snail and e-mail and getting ready for the shortened week took all my energy and focus. I didn’t realize how emotionally and physically drained I was until the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I hadn’t slowed down and taken any time for myself. Even though Thanksgiving was a down day, it still involved travel and being away from my secure home base. I hadn’t taken the time to reflect and process my experience at the parent camp. Although always rewarding, parent camps are emotionally draining as I am challenged by my own issues being triggered. I am constantly telling parents to take care of themselves so they will be emotionally available for their children. I realize how hard this is. Sometimes it’s hard for me and I’m not raising several children with challenging behaviors.

I started this week out feeling refreshed and energized. On Monday I was able to accomplish a lot of tasks. My thinking was clear and I was able to focus and not be distracted by the interruptions that are always a part of my day. I am writing about this to simply re-enforce how important it is for all of us to take care of ourselves. Even Jesus took a break from the crowds to go rest. If it’s good for Jesus, then I believe it is good for us also. A significant part of me taking care of myself is maintaining and enhancing my spiritual connection. This connection is vital to all that I do. It leads, guides and directs me. In my “busyness” I had lost connection with the Lord. Make a commitment this December to give your self the gift of self care and resting in the Lord. To learn more about my testimony and integrating Biblical truths with Bryan Post’s Stress Model, go to http://bit.ly/oZ5uIO and get a copy of my CD “Spiritual Connection”.

Fear & Adoption IV

I received an e-mail from a foster mother who was very distressed. I could feel her desperation and urgency. Amber and her husband John have two foster children, ages three months (Sally) and three years (Rod). Rod will soon be leaving to go back to his biological mother. Amber and John have plans to adopt the three month old, Sally. Without knowing any history of either one of the parents, think about the triggers for fear. Here’s just a few. Grief of Rod leaving. Fear of how his biological mother will treat him. Self doubt that they did mpt do enough for Rod. Being divided between Sally and Rod and how to give both of them what they need. Feeling of failure with Rod because he’s been very dys-regulated due to leaving. Pressure from agencies as to why Rod is struggling. Being criticized because they do not follow “tradition” parenting of time out and consequences. How can we be good enough parents for Sally when we failed with Rod? Emotional distance in the marriage. Will we be trusted with other foster children?

All of these would be normal triggers for the most well adjusted foster family who has done a lot of healing work. This couple is very young in age. They have not been married very long. Both admit that they have unresolved issues of their own. I am encouraged that they are brave enough to take a closer look at themselves. The last line of the e-mail stated that “We are exhausted and want our life back.” How many times have you said that? That thought has crossed my mind and my child is grown and has been on her own for 18 years. I am not writing about this to be judgmental or critical. This couple and all foster/adoptive families face tremendous challenges. They face fear day in and day out. I am writing to raise awareness of these challenges. But most importantly, I am writing to encourage you and others to give these families unconditional support and encouragement. They need our love and non-judgmental support. It would be easy to say, “well, they shouldn’t have adopted if they knew they had issues.” “What’s wrong with them, didn’t they know this would happen when they adopted?” Please don’t go there with anyone who has opened their homes and hearts to a child who needs a family. Love them where they’re at and join them in their journey. To find out more about fear and adoption, review Bryan Post’s book “From Fear to Love” - Parenting Difficult Adopted Children at http://bit.ly/oZ5uIO

Fear & Adoption III

I recently spent a few days visiting my “adoptive kids” Trey and Chenoa. Trey is a “love miracle”, crack cocaine baby. Trey was adopted at birth. When he came home he was greeted by Ella. Ella was a very large, cuddly dog. Trey’s mother, sister, and Ella loved him into health. Ella became a big part of Trey’s emotional safety and regulation. Ella tragically died three years later. This was devastating for the entire family. They are still grieving this loss. While I was there, Trey started talking about Ella. He felt safe and regressed emotionally. He has also done this before with his mother. His mother has struggled as to how to help him. Her immediate response (actually it’s a reaction which I’ll explain later) is to get him another dog. When Trey started talking about Ella and crying, she asked me what to do. I told her breathe, relax, and be present. I pulled Trey onto my lap and held him. I validated his grief feelings and gave him a short narrative about losing Ella. “I told him what it was like for him when he first came into this world. It was a scary place and he was sick. Ella was there to comfort him. His mother and Chenoa were there to comfort him.” Not only is Trey grieving what he remembers, but he is also grieving his pre-verbal trauma. This short narrative gave his left brain words to his right brain’s pre-verbal experience. I explained to his mother that her fear of doing this with Trey caused her to try to fix him by buying him a dog. That’s why I called her response a reaction. Her unconscious fear was that she would need to re-visit that time in Trey’s life on an emotional level. That can be hard for any of us to do when our child’s trauma is part of our trauma. Remember fear says “fix it” and love says “allow it to heal”. Read Trey’s complete story. Go to http://bit.ly/pBwc85 and read “Adoption - Love Affair”.