Love, Tolerance Are Necessary

We have been speaking about making a heart change, and how the change is not made for us.

If you search BibleGateway.com, you will find “one another” used 190 times, and “each other” used 981 times. What this means is that we are called and commanded to serve others. This cannot be done without a heart change.

Other than doing random acts of kindness, service to others involves relationships, which come in a variety of forms and at different levels.

The secular world identifies that joy is involved in the attachment/bonding process.

 Nehemiah 8:10 tell us “...This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

There is strength in relationships, and through sacrifice and heart change we develop healthy relationships. I believe that joy is the overflow of healthy relationships.

Even in the best of relationships there are going to be bumps in the road. We need to expand our windows of tolerance to endure these bumps. Our capacity for love needs to accept all situations, circumstances, and people exactly where they are at.

What a Challenge!

But we must remember that to have a heart change and serve others takes sacrifice. When we do this, God is pleased. When we do this, others benefit.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Change Is For God, Not Ourselves

We have determined that in order to help their children, parents must first make a heart change of their own.

Making the decision to make a heart change can seem very simple on the surface.

And, I believe that it is simple, but paradoxically, complex usually goes hand in hand with the simple.

During this process, the most important thing we need to remember is who we are doing this for. It is for God’s glory. It is for God’s joy. It is so He can be pleased with us.

When Jesus was baptized, a white dove appeared. The windows of heaven opened up. Matthew 3:17: “And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love, with him I am well pleased.’”

I pray that this is what is in our hearts, to please God. Unfortunately, as humans, we can get caught up in consumer Christianity. I learned the term Consumer Christianity from Brian Zahn at Word of Life Church in St. Joseph, Missouri. It means that we treat God like an ATM machine. When we find ourselves in a time of crisis, we simply take the God card to the ATM and get what we need.

I firmly believe that we cannot out give God. I doubt that God blesses us if our motive for giving is to receive. To have a heart change and serve others takes sacrifice. When we do this, God is pleased. When we do this, others benefit.

Remember it is not for our glory. It is for God’s glory. It is for God’s joy. It is so He can be pleased with us.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Change Is Possible, But We Need God

We have talked about how parents must change, so that they are able to be a secure attachment figure for their children.

Romans 8:29 says: “Our purposes is to become like Jesus.” That is, be transformed into His likeness.

Romans 12:2 says: “Do not conform to the pattern of this wo

rld, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Psalm 51 tells us that we need the Holy Spirit in order to be transformed.

That is, receive a new heart. We need to ask God to help us to do that. The molding and shaping of our heart cannot simply be done by willpower. Have you ever used willpower to stop diarrhea? Hopefully that is not too graphic, but it illustrates the point.

We first have to become willing to be open to the Holy Spirit. We don’t have to figure out how to change ourselves. We can’t change our personalities. We can’t change our blueprints by ourselves.

We are not designed to be able to make such changes on our own, but we all have hope through the Word of God.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Parents Must Resolve Issues First

When working with families the primary focus is on the parents.

This is because they are the best and most likely agents of change for the children.

To do this, however, parents must be in the process of resolving their own issues. I believe that this calls for a heart change in them. I tell parents that this will be very challenging for them, but I also give them hope through the Word of God.

My personal experience with heart change helps me to understand their struggles. My personal heart change helps me understand their pain.

Parents have to feel good enough about themselves to be emotionally available for their children. Their window of tolerance needs to be able to handle any emotion that their children bring to them. Parents need to be a secure attachment figure for their child. God calls us to be in a state of love for our children.

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Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Celebrate Love, Eliminate Fear

There are times that we all experience emotional and physical pain.

These experiences can last a moment or they can linger. Pay attention to your body when it tells you something is wrong. Take a stand against fear in these situations. Do not let fear generate more emotional pain. Fear creates more tension and therefore increases our physical pain.

Honor the pain and turn to God for healing. Breathe in, and you will feel relaxed and refreshed. Focus on each part of your body to allow the tension to evaporate.

You need to completely trust in God’s healing power of love. Celebrate feeling alive and free of pain.

We all need to attempt to express love in everything we do.

Love drives out fear.

It can be a kind or considerate gesture. It can be a supportive or thoughtful word. Love can be demonstrated in prayer.

Allow your Christ nature to express itself at all times through your behavior, especially when parenting. You should expect nothing in return, knowing that expressing love is a reward in itself.

Every moment of every day should be a celebration of love.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John13:35

Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Let Prayer Replace Fear With Joy

Situations in life can be troubling and can cause distractions.

Our imagination gets wound up. We find ourselves losing focus. Doubt and fear creep into our mind.

When this happens, we need to take time to pray. Breathe in God’s life-giving peace and feel yourself begin to relax. Redirect your focus to God’s protection. Affirm that God is your protector. Affirm that he is present.

These affirmations and words will calm your anxious thoughts. You will begin to feel at peace because of God’s protection.

The challenges we face can wear us down.

We can become tired spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Our gratitude and joy are replaced by fear and anxiousness. Life becomes burdensome and heavy.

When this happens we need to look to God to replace our joy, which is our strength. Put a song of praise on your lips and in your heart. Pray and ask God for help.

These simple acts of worship and praise will begin to inspire you. Your challenges become lighter. Joy replaces fear.

 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm46:1

Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.

Let God Take Away Fear

Our world is constantly changing, and there are times that the changes are overwhelming and confusing. We can easily lose connection with the ones we love. This creates fear in ourselves and our relationships.

We can even begin to doubt God. This doubt comes from fear. When we encounter this fear, we need to breathe deeply to calm ourselves. We need to focus on God and his love. Allow the Holy Spirit to transcend every circumstance in our life.

As we connect with the love of God, we reconnect with loved ones. Fear and doubt go away. Our faith is strengthened, and we can face the world with confidence. We are empowered to fall all challenges, trusting the outcome to God.

Every day we experience new situations and challenges. Often these situations and challenges are stressful, and create fear. Our past blueprint of fear can cause us to expect an unpleasant outcome.

We need to consciously choose to let go of any fear-based blueprints. We need to breathe deeply, and ask God to take away what we fear. Ask God to replace fear and dread with expecting good. We know that even in difficult circumstances, God’s guidance will not fail. Our strength and energy during these times will come from God. We need to expect good in our life because that is what God wants for us.

“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Do not fear, I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13

Ken Thom, MS, LPC is a nationally recognized Christian counselor and writer. He is available for parent and individual coaching. Ken is a Post Institute Certified Family Regulatory Therapist, Certified Coach and Great Behavior Breakdown Instructor as well as a certified BCI parent trainer. Ken's book Christian Parent Wisdom is a daily scripture based medication book for parenting children with challenging behaviors. Contact Ken.