Saturday, July 7, 2012
Summer Challenge - Melt Downs After a Good Time
Remember that positive stimulation can overwhelm a child who has a small window of tolerance. Don’t punish the melt down, take responsibly for not providing enough emotional safety for your child and use this opportunity to connect and expand your child window of tolerance. Be emotionally safe and steadfast for your child in all circumstances.
Christian Parent Wisdom #15 Steadfast
When fear and dys-regulation disrupts order and harmony, I affirm all is well. I clear my mind of all concerns. I remain steadfast knowing God is in control.
My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast. Psalm 108:1
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Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Summer Challenge - Boredom
Boredom is not a lack of motivation. Your child is probably hypo-arouse or emotionally shut down. Connect with your child and develop a list of activities he or she is interested in. Be an encourager for your child.
Christian Parent Wisdom #14 Encouragement
I choose to use words that edify and encourage my child. Encouragement and compassion is an essential ingredient in providing a secure base for my child.
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, as indeed you are doing. Thessalonians 5:11
Purchase Christian Parent Wisdom now @ http://bit.ly/mVZggY and receive 30 minutes of phone coaching or a 30 minute spiritual consult for FREE when you mention you heard about this FREE offer though this blog on your purchase order.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Being a Father - Tip #9
Understand the difference between punishment and discipline.
A child’s obedience is a function of the co-regulation between the parent and with the child. Co-regulation creates a secure base. A secure base influences obedience. A secure base creates positive neurological feedback loops and positive conditioning. Lack of co-regulation between parents causes children to react out of fear. So parents, if you’re dys-regulated, then don’t expect your children to be obedient. When you are dys-regulated, God doesn’t get upset with you. He doesn’t put you in time out. He is there for you regardless of your state of regulation. This is the model you need to follow with your children. Unfortunately there has been a blurring of definitions and lack of understanding of expectations. Punishment is used and is expected to get the results of discipline. Isn’t it more sociably acceptable to say that you’re “disciplining” your child rather than punishing him? I have found that most parents believe punishment and discipline are synonymous. Also, parents don’t truly understand what a natural consequence means.
Read more on punishment and discipline in my April & May 2011 Love in Action Newsletters.
A child’s obedience is a function of the co-regulation between the parent and with the child. Co-regulation creates a secure base. A secure base influences obedience. A secure base creates positive neurological feedback loops and positive conditioning. Lack of co-regulation between parents causes children to react out of fear. So parents, if you’re dys-regulated, then don’t expect your children to be obedient. When you are dys-regulated, God doesn’t get upset with you. He doesn’t put you in time out. He is there for you regardless of your state of regulation. This is the model you need to follow with your children. Unfortunately there has been a blurring of definitions and lack of understanding of expectations. Punishment is used and is expected to get the results of discipline. Isn’t it more sociably acceptable to say that you’re “disciplining” your child rather than punishing him? I have found that most parents believe punishment and discipline are synonymous. Also, parents don’t truly understand what a natural consequence means.
Read more on punishment and discipline in my April & May 2011 Love in Action Newsletters.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Being a Father - Tip #8
Take care of yourself.
Focus on transforming yourself into the parent God wants you to be. As a parent, you have to feel good enough about yourself to be emotionally available to your child. Your window of tolerance needs to be able to handle any emotion their child brings to them. You need to be a secure attachment figure for your child. God calls us to be in a state of love for our children. You are the best and most likely agent of change for your child. To do this you must be in the process of resolving your own issues. I believe this calls for a heart change.
Read January 2011 Love in Action Newsletter “Being Transformed” for additional support.
Focus on transforming yourself into the parent God wants you to be. As a parent, you have to feel good enough about yourself to be emotionally available to your child. Your window of tolerance needs to be able to handle any emotion their child brings to them. You need to be a secure attachment figure for your child. God calls us to be in a state of love for our children. You are the best and most likely agent of change for your child. To do this you must be in the process of resolving your own issues. I believe this calls for a heart change.
Read January 2011 Love in Action Newsletter “Being Transformed” for additional support.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Being a Father - Tip #7
Be present and mindful.
Challenges make it difficult to be present and mindful with your child. Fear causes us to regret the past and obsess about the future. Ever done that? All of us do. As human beings we live our lives largely in memory and imagination. We are either remembering the past or imagining the future. Physically our bodies are present, but our minds are elsewhere. Take a few deep breathes and focus. Try to be fully present in the moment. Try to be fully mindful. This can be very difficult to do. It has to take place a micro second at a time. That is why the skill of emotional regulation and clearing your mind is so important to develop. Dan Siegel explains the neuro-psychology aspect @ http://bit.ly/skvVSt. This is an important concept to understand. It is just as important to understand the spiritual aspect of the process of connecting in relationship. When two or more are gathered a spirit is created. This is found in Matthew 18:20. “For where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am with them.” I don’t fully understand it. This is a mysterious thing that we probably don’t fully understand. However, the phenomenon of a spirit created by people who are present is a powerful thing.
Read more about the spiritual aspect of being present by reading “The Power of Presence - Being Mindful” @ Ken Thom’s Articles.
Challenges make it difficult to be present and mindful with your child. Fear causes us to regret the past and obsess about the future. Ever done that? All of us do. As human beings we live our lives largely in memory and imagination. We are either remembering the past or imagining the future. Physically our bodies are present, but our minds are elsewhere. Take a few deep breathes and focus. Try to be fully present in the moment. Try to be fully mindful. This can be very difficult to do. It has to take place a micro second at a time. That is why the skill of emotional regulation and clearing your mind is so important to develop. Dan Siegel explains the neuro-psychology aspect @ http://bit.ly/skvVSt. This is an important concept to understand. It is just as important to understand the spiritual aspect of the process of connecting in relationship. When two or more are gathered a spirit is created. This is found in Matthew 18:20. “For where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am with them.” I don’t fully understand it. This is a mysterious thing that we probably don’t fully understand. However, the phenomenon of a spirit created by people who are present is a powerful thing.
Read more about the spiritual aspect of being present by reading “The Power of Presence - Being Mindful” @ Ken Thom’s Articles.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Being a Father - Tip #6
Increase quality time with your child.
I recommend that you start to make special opportunities to be with your child by learning the 10-20-10 strategy on a regular basis. Here’s a formula to follow. You spend 10 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon, and 10 minutes in the evening with your child. These are special opportunities to be with your child. These opportunities are to just listen without judging, blaming, or shaming. Validate whatever your child is saying and feeling. Validation does not mean you agree with their opinion. Validation means that you are listening to your child. By doing this families can begin to repair their broken relationship. Repairing your relationship with your child helps you influence your child to start making more responsible decisions and demonstrating respect.
Incorporate daily scripture based meditations during your 10-20-10 time.
Get “Christian Parent Wisdom” @ Ken Thom Products
I recommend that you start to make special opportunities to be with your child by learning the 10-20-10 strategy on a regular basis. Here’s a formula to follow. You spend 10 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon, and 10 minutes in the evening with your child. These are special opportunities to be with your child. These opportunities are to just listen without judging, blaming, or shaming. Validate whatever your child is saying and feeling. Validation does not mean you agree with their opinion. Validation means that you are listening to your child. By doing this families can begin to repair their broken relationship. Repairing your relationship with your child helps you influence your child to start making more responsible decisions and demonstrating respect.
Incorporate daily scripture based meditations during your 10-20-10 time.
Get “Christian Parent Wisdom” @ Ken Thom Products
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Being a Father - Tip #5
Reverse negative neurological feedback loops.
You can reverse negative feedback loops by interrupting your child’s stress cycle. This will help you connect with your child. Begin by exploring what is contributing to the negative neurological feedback loops within the family. You need to identify your negative reactions to your child’s behavior. Begin to understand what in your past triggers this negative reaction. Understanding this is critical in developing secure attachments with children. You need to have an understanding of your own childhood attachments. Your own history of attachments and relationships is the blueprint you follow. Until this blueprint is changed you will continue to perpetuate negative neurological feedback loops within the family.
Looking for more information? Get "The Great Behavior Breakdown" by Bryan Post
You can reverse negative feedback loops by interrupting your child’s stress cycle. This will help you connect with your child. Begin by exploring what is contributing to the negative neurological feedback loops within the family. You need to identify your negative reactions to your child’s behavior. Begin to understand what in your past triggers this negative reaction. Understanding this is critical in developing secure attachments with children. You need to have an understanding of your own childhood attachments. Your own history of attachments and relationships is the blueprint you follow. Until this blueprint is changed you will continue to perpetuate negative neurological feedback loops within the family.
Looking for more information? Get "The Great Behavior Breakdown" by Bryan Post
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