Affirmations Help Heal Shame

Affirmations - positive self talk - are a useful self motivation tool. Identify the negative shame messages that are conditioned responses to situations in your life. Replace them with uplifting, positive messages to yourself. There may also be certain people, places, and events that you need to stay away. Part of your self care is not exposing yourself to shame producing stimuli. Obviously you may not be able to avoid everything that produces shame in your life. However, there are many situations that you can just stay away from. For those situations that you can’t avoid, use your new self awareness and be mindful of your situation. When someone or some event gives you a ticket for a ride on the shame bus, you now have the choice to not take the ticket. If you unexpectedly take the ticket, you don’t have to get on the bus. If for some reason you get on the bus, you can get off any time you want.

Find daily affirming meditations - Christian Parent Wisdom @ http://bit.ly/mVZggY

Healing Shame by Following Through

Most shame-based people I have talked to know what they need to do different. The problem is that they do not follow through with a decision that has a potential positive outcome. There are two components of not following through. A shame-based person’s internal definition is not congruent with success. That incongruence keeps a person from following through. There is too much unconscious resistance to taking that first positive step. The second component is a spiritual battle. The Apostle Paul says in Romans 7:15 (NIV) - “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do but what I hate I do.” As Christians we also know that “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”. - John 10:10 (NIV). Pray about all your decisions and ask others to pray for you. “I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:13 (NIV). Identify a task that you believe you can realistically achieve.

Find out more about healing shame, read December 2012 Love in Action Newsletter
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Jesus and Healing Spiritual Shame

Belief in Jesus means that there is a power greater than yourself that you can rely on. Jesus said in John 14:6 NIV “I am the way and the truth and the life.” That is not to the exclusion of others but that Jesus is the ultimate power. That is very scary for shame-based people because of their lack of trust. Their lack of trust is based on their human experiences. It is natural and normal to place human characteristics on God. Our human experiences dictate our perceptions. Therefore, we expect God to treat us like others have. If you did the work suggested in the first four articles, then you should be developing a new support system. I strongly recommend that this include a church community or church family. As you begin this process of healing, you’ll begin to feel the love of Jesus. Shame will cause you to doubt this love. Shame will block out the power and the love of God. Shame will block out the healing grace of God. That is why encouragement from other believers is so important. Reading the word of God will help you understand the new information needed for your paradigm shift. The Bible is full of God’s promises and words of encouragement.

Learn more by reading February 2012 Love in Action Newsletter @ Newsletter Archives

Healing Spiritual Shame

This is usually the most challenging area for shame-based people. Spirituality is the deepest level that humans operate from. Spirituality is deep within our core. The ability to live in peace and harmony is a function of our spirituality. Shame contaminates our spirituality. It causes our spirituality to be very negative. Shame keeps us operating from a fear base, not a love base. The basic definition of a shame-based person is at they are flawed and inadequate and do not deserve happiness or success. Shame blocks what God wants for us. Shame reinforces our belief of being unworthy. Shame tells us that we are sinners with no hope. Right now, I’m telling you that there is hope. You may be in a place where that is hard to believe. All I am asking is that you be open to the hope that is available. This will take a paradigm shift of whom and what you believe in. This will take a paradigm shift of where your security is based. I will get right to the point. The paradigm shift I’m asking you to make is to put your hope in Jesus. That is where your security needs to be based. Jesus is who you need to believe in. The word of God is what you need to believe in.

Learn more by reading February 2012 Love in Action Newsletter @ Newsletter Archives

Releasing the Bondage of Shame in Finances

Shame interferes with a person’s ability to manage their finances successfully. Financial responsibility is not necessarily a function of how much money a person makes. Financial responsibility is based on a person’s attitude about money. Financial responsibility consists of effective and efficient use of resources. The manner in which shame effects finances may not be as obvious as it is in other areas of a person’s life. Shame-based people doubt that they can be financially responsible. They usually don’t believe they deserve success financially. Many times a shame-based person does not have enough money because they are underemployed. Why are they underemployed? Because they don’t believe they can get or deserve a better paying job. Shame-based people usually reject discipline. Therefore, it is hard for them to follow a budget. Saving on a regular basis can be nearly impossible for shame-based people. The same thing goes for investment. Delayed gratification is not a strong characteristic of a shame-based person. If you buy to feel good or to make up for a loss, then you are probably spending out of your shame. Your performance based blueprint tells you to spend more and more. It tells you to buy bigger and bigger.

Learn more by reading January 2012 Love in Action Newsletter @ Newsletter Archives

Releasing the Bondage of Shame in Relationships

Relationships determine the quality of our life. Bruce Perry, MD, (Trauma, Brain, & Relationships - Helping Children Heal) states: “Everything that is important about life as a human being, you learn in context of relationships.” That’s a very powerful statement. Think about it. When person complains or have a problem it usually has to do with another person. Even if it’s a job issue, personalities are usually involved. We may want not want to admit, but we are in a relationship with our job or our career. There are numerous reasons why shame-based people fail at relationships. There are chapters in books devoted to this topic. I’ll provide an overview of how shame causes failure in relationships. Shame-based people fear intimacy. They are afraid of being hurt again because that is the blueprint of their previous relationships. You need to heal from past hurts is necessary in order to be intimate again. Otherwise, getting close to another person triggers past hurt. Not seeing yourself worthy of being loved is a setup for failure. Some shame-based people will turn into caretakers to “fix” their self-worth.

Learn more by reading January 2012 Love in Action Newsletter @ Newsletter Archives

Releasing the Bondage of Shame

A paradigm shift is necessary to begin releasing the bondage of shame. The first step in shifting your paradigm begins when you are able to see the world as benevolent and yourself as worthy. A shame-based person does not see their world is being benevolent because of their experiences that have taught them shame in their life. This may seem to be an overwhelming task considering the condition of our world today. If you don’t see the world as benevolent, then everyone is your enemy. This makes it very hard to get anything good out of this world. This is keeps you in a state of hypervigilence and fear. Secondly, shame-based people need to start taking risks. When taking risks, you may lose something of value. What shame-based people fear losing the most is the little bit of self-esteem they already have. This part of the paradigm shift consists of separating yourself (who you are) from your experience. For example, a failing grade does not mean you are a failure. An offer not being accepted is not a rejection of you as a person. It is simply a rejection of your offer. Shame-based people get their self-worth from performance. Separating yourself worth from your performance can be a difficult task. The third step in this paradigm shift is distinguishing between risks that have potential positive outcomes and those risks that are a setup for failure. Initially you need to begin by not repeating previous failures. Identify patterns of failure.

Learn more by reading December 2011 Love in Action Newsletter @ Newsletter Archives